


Hawaii: Part II

by NanamiChiLovesYou



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Abstract, Death, Dissociation, Disturbing Themes, Dreams, Fugue, M/M, Murder, Murder Mystery, Open to Interpretation, Poetry, Reader-Interactive, Song fic, lots of different writing styles, some religious imagery, some stuff to decode :), sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:29:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 9,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27766012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanamiChiLovesYou/pseuds/NanamiChiLovesYou
Summary: A story heavily inspired by the album 'Hawaii: Part II' by Miracle Musical. Definitely give it a listen, it's one of the most interesting albums I've ever listened to, and so many interpretations can be made from it.And as a side note, there isn't a part I.There will be alot in this. Things to translate, decode, and things left to interpretation and speculation. Basically alot to discuss with others! I hope the readers will share their ideas and theories, it'll be fun to see._____________Janus stands alone at the edge of a universe, humming a tune.He's not awake, and he's not sure why. He doesn't remember much. Soon, the hues will arrange to show it's all perfectly clear.The love of his life has been killed, and he doesn't remember it or who had done it. So he takes a journey through his memories and his mind to put the pieces back together.
Relationships: Deceit | Janus Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 3
Kudos: 4





	1. Introduction to the Snow

Things were dark. Janus can't quite remember why. There's a distant song in his ears, and the familiar ocean breeze carrying him away. And, as if he were waking from a dream, his eyes open. 

He stood all alone, at the edge of a universe humming a tune. With sparkling crystal souls aglow, twinkling in the darkened sky. As he stands on the edge, he realizes how he's conscious once again. He can't remember why he was unconscious, but he is conscious now. Barely conscious, and all alone. Or not quite.

"Only you can make it right."

A lamenting, yet assuring voice washes over him. The music of the ocean waves come to him, his raft gently shaking under his feet. 

"You'll live forever tonight." 

Gentle, and so familiar. His eyes shut. The waves drift him away.


	2. Isle unto Thyself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus remembers a few things, most importantly, his beloved.

_ Blinding, shining star _

_ You won't see so far _

_ Know what can't be shown _

_ Feel what can't be known _

He remembered those blue eyes. How could he have ever forgotten? Blue like the bright sky. A summer breeze and the soft waves on the shore. 

He was a bright and beautiful star, so blinding. He had made Janus feel what he had never known before.

Patton was an island.

The misty figure in his mind was ethereal, but nothing could ever compare to the man himself, not even the stars at night or the blazing sun. Still, he took those fake hands, memories coming back to him. 

"You have a beautiful heart that you couldn't feel." He holds the man's face, the memory fading and blowing away like sand, leaving him holding the air. The glowing blue dust flows off into the universe. He stares in longing, his heart aching.

He was the most caring and kind person, with the strongest heart, yet Patton never knew, or rather, he never acknowledged his shining kindness. So deep in his own self doubt. He thought that he'd hurt him. 

"Why would it hurt me?" He asks into the air. His brain was still foggy. There were pieces he was still missing, scattered in the looping universe of his mind. 

"Or was it real...?" 

He waltzes down, his heart quickening its pace. There was something buzzing in his chest, and he wasn't sure what it was. But something… was driving him forward down this memory lane. As he moves, a fuzzy scene appears before him. He remembers this. 

"It was the night we had to part." He says aloud. The two lovers were holding hands and exchanging soft goodbyes. It was dark, outside of some building, the two only illuminated by a porch lamp, bathing them in a yellow glow. He can't remember why they had parted. Only that it had happened. "We were afraid… to miss the start. The start..?"

As he talks aloud, he feels something strange in his gut, as if his insides had solidified. "What did it matter?"

Why would it matter? 

Could they heal..?

Heal… heal what? His mind was giving him words he couldn't make sense of. Still, his heart seemed to pound hard at seeing his beloved here. When was the last time they had seen each other? He… can't remember. But at the moment, he ignores that dread and reaches out to the image. 

"I truly was a victim of magic." He says this wistfully, eyes softening at the man. There's no other explanation for how he changed his life, and made him fall in love. He chuckles, hand making contact with the image. 

And the image was cold. A familiar cold, that had him pulling his hand away as if he'd been burnt, holding it to his chest. His heart was pounding and his eyes went wide at the still image. Why can he feel his cold skin? Why is his skin cold? And why does he know this feeling? This… no...

Apollo had left him catching his breath as he bled on the ground. Was this blood even his? His vision was blurry. There was something in front of him that he couldn't see through his blurry vision, but he suddenly snapped back, blood gone and he was back in the universe. 

Someone had called him to follow. He followed, thinking aloud without hearing the sound.

He followed, an urgency in his footsteps, but could no longer hear the voice. He looks up, the planets above him falling to dust, leaving him with a lonely feeling. He felt incredibly alone at this moment. 

How could he forget this? Patton… 

It dawns on him now how he could have been a better lover. Things were bad. He couldn't remember why, but it distracted him. It distracted him from the man he loved. 

Love camouflaging under strife.

He can feel his own hopelessness, knowing his love is now lost. And he doesn't even remember how. He needs to get out of his head. He needs to know. But he doesn't know how. Perhaps he should keep going forward? Or will that only drive him deeper into his head? He isn't sure.

All he knows is that he needs to remember. Or… was any of this even real? He doesn't know. 

His hopelessness was settled in his chest as he trudges through the shallow waves. Questions plague his mind as the cold waters chill him to the bone. 

Why did murderous animals survive? Why did we deserve to be revived? Why was any and everything alive?

He's not sure where these questions have come from. But they stick in his head as he moves. They must be important, maybe. If only he'd remember why. 


	3. Black Rainbows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In all of the confusion, he hears a voice telling him to remember. Perhaps if he arranges the hues, it'll all become perfectly clear.

_ 'Ula'ula 'alani melemele _

_ Oma'oma'o polu poni _

_ 'Ula'ula 'alani melemele _

_ Oma'oma'o polu poni _

_ 'Ele'ele, 'ele'ele  _

_ Stella octangula _

_ 'Ula'ula 'alani melemele _

_ Oma'oma'o polu poni _

_ 'Ele'ele, 'ele'ele _

_ 'Ele'ele _

_ 'Ele'ele, 'ele'ele _

_ 'Ele'ele _

_ Stella octangula _

_ Do we remember _

_ Connected rainbows? _

In the midst of an augmenting delirium of inescapable noise and distortion, Janus hears a completely foreign voice telling him to remember. He blinks, looking up at the sky, as if that'd show him the answer.

There were colors in the sky. Not a rainbow, just lines of colors in the sky above him. A chill goes down his spine.

The same voice seems to whisper into his ear, the feeling of an arm around his shoulder as he stares at the sky. The colors slowly move. In the sky he could see them forming into an arching shape. And it was a rainbow. It was strange to watch, really. How they moved almost mechanically in the black sky. 

"I draw the rainbows." The whisper had said, "You'll draw them near."

The rainbow seems to shine above him. 

"And lo and behold… the hues arrange to show it's perfectly clear."

He tilts his head, trying to decipher the meaning behind these words. The colors in the sky have gone back to their disarray, no longer in order and appeared as angry streaks up in the sky. 

_ Do we remember _

_ Connected rainbows? _

Perhaps… It's his turn to arrange the hues. Maybe he'll get his answers. He needs his answers. And maybe he will bring Patton justice. If he can ever wake up. He still doesn't remember why he's asleep. Or he assumes that he is asleep. 

Shaking his head, he sighs, reaching up and grabbing a color out of the sky. And in his hand was the color white. And he can hear a door open. Looking over, a few feet away was an elegant door opened, the sound of music emerging from within. A lavish ballroom full of guests. 

He steps inside. 


	4. White Ball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus relives a night with Patton. It was truly wonderful, and he remembers how much he loves the man. They dance in a gorgeous ballroom, and all they see is eachother. Such impossible bliss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things start off! Any strange occurrences you see in this chapter are completely intentional. ;)

_ White _

_ Drift aloft _

_ In some effortless place _

_ Bound by delicate dread _

_ Saving no face _

_ Air dissolves _

_ Where one game is designed _

_ Something's elegant find _

_ So the program goes _

The ballroom was extremely fancy. They do not usually go to events like this, but tonight is a special night. He can't remember why. But still, it was a beautiful sight. It was a large space, with two staircases leading down to the dance floor, and incredibly decorated. The marble floors and statues, the glittering chandelier, the sweet aroma of roses. Long ball gowns twirled around, partners dancing in elegant circles, almost like a music box. Roses and flowers were lined at the tall windows, long tables with white sheets covered in hand foods, wines and champagne being passed around. It was as if they'd entered a fairytale. He had nerves, but excited nerves. 

Music swelled in the ballroom. Janus smiles softly as his love fixes his suit. They were both dressed in nice suits, and they knew that others were staring, but they couldn't bring themselves to care anymore. Patton hums, fixing up Janus's bowtie and flattening down his suit. He steps back, looking him over before nodding.

"You're good! You really need to learn how to tie a bow." He laughs and Janus smiles. 

"But if I learn to tie one you'll stop doing it for me." He gives a dramatic sigh. Obviously he knows how to tie one, he just likes the attention. 

"If you want me to touch you, you can just say so." Patton giggles a little, patting his head. He rolls his eyes, a smile on his face.

"Shall we?" He asks, holding his arm out. Patton laughs, taking his arm with a smile. 

"I'd be honored."

They're saving no face, despite the looks and stares they get. The air dissolves as they go down the steps. It was just them. Nothing could ruin this. 

"Check it out." Patton says, glancing at the others around them. Janus had tuned them out. He simply smiles, giving his beloved a kiss. He can hear a gasp behind him and he chuckles. 

.gnihgual ,sekoj eH ".tniop siht ta ti gniod nuf adnik s'tI"

Patton laughs as well, his smile reaching his eyes in a way that makes Janus fall in love all over again. He had a brilliant sparkle in his blue eyes. His eyes were an ocean, and he was a helpless sailor, at mercy to those beautiful blue waves. 

They had made it to the floor, falling into their dance, embracing each other closely. Neither of them really danced much, but they knew enough to circle comfortably. It was nice being this close to him, their hands intertwined and a soft hand at his waist. There was something so intimate about dancing with the man you love. He's sure that even if they weren't at this ballroom, any dance they would have would be just as special. Patton pulling him into the kitchen and twirling him around in the mornings, that was something he always loved. Maybe he's just a romantic, but he's just in love with everything Patton does. Everyone else around them had faces of marble, smooth and unremarkable as they danced around the two of them. Patton was the only person he could see. He was beautiful. He must be the luckiest man on Earth. He can't stop staring. 

Patton trips a little, giggling in a nervous way. Janus tilts his head to the side.

"Ahah, I panicked a little-" 

"Wow." He laughs, and Patton laughs along with him, pressing their foreheads together. A warm feeling blooms in his chest, spreading through his entire body and giving him butterflies as if he was a young boy with a crush. He never felt anything like this before he had met Patton. He wants to stay like this forever, holding Patton and being held, dancing in this ballroom without a care in the world.

On and on they dance, the lights making the man before him ethereal to behold. He was already gorgeous, and Janus made sure to tell him this. He wishes he could stay like this for forever and a day. He sighs happily, resting his head on Patton's shoulder, soaking up his warmth. They were pressed so close together, and Janus could soak in this warm feeling all day. He rubs Patton's hand with his thumb. 

"You're so perfect." He whispers, closing his eyes. "You made me into a new person… Each day, I am new, I am yours."

"And I'm yours, love." He can feel Patton holding his cheek, making him look up at him. All of the love he feels for him comes crashing back in waves. He probably looks like a love stricken fool. 

He can't begin to express his love for the other. A million kisses would never be enough to get his message through. Still, he presses a delicate kiss to the other, unable to form his words correctly. A silent 'I love you'. His heart was pounding, and he's sure Patton could feel it. 

They took passionate steps together, and it felt as though the floor suspended on the abyss, they were floating, and only the two of them were here. Dancing through space, alone together. All they could see was their love.

Only, they were unaware of the tragedy that was hidden behind. 

_ Such impossible bliss _

His shining blue eyes are losing their shine, slowly fading out and going dull and foggy.

_ Such impossible bliss _

The red color leaves his smiling face, his skin slowly turning pale. His blue veins are showing through his skin.

_ Such impossible bliss _

His body is now cold, the comforting warmth slipping away like a blanket and leaving him exposed to the cold snow.

_ Such impossible bliss _

Red blood leaking from his new suit, painting him in cranberry. The bright color standing out against his almost white skin. Janus feels the color soaking into his own suit and sticking to his skin in a sickening way.

_ Such impossible bliss _

His vision getting foggy, and a hot liquid pouring from his eyes. It felt like it was burning down his face. His eyes couldn't focus no matter how hard he had tried. 

_ Such impossible bliss.  _

The ballroom was empty, and only Janus stood there, hands holding onto the air. The music had stopped, leaving an uncomfortable feeling in the air. It was a feeling of kenopsia. The forlorn atmosphere was heavy on his shoulders as he stood in the empty ballroom, and his throat tightened. Reality sunk back into him, the previous joy cracking and shattering the moment the memory had ended. It was cold. He stumbles back a bit, trying to regain his balance and will away this nauseating feeling. He feels… sick, almost. Dizzy and his memories are incredibly foggy, but starting to clear. But it still doesn't make sense. 

It was all going so nicely… Why did Patton have to die? How did he die? Who killed him?

With these thoughts in mind, he hears the next door open.


	5. Murders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus follows Patton and a shadowy figure into the forest, and uncovers the truth behind Patton's murder.

_ Red _

He was in the forest looking to see the trees. But none were there. There were trees, but not for him to see. His eyes were focused on the man in front of him instead. 

The scene before him had his heart drop. Patton and a shadowed man, almost appearing to be scribbled out by a pencil, just a vague silhouette of a man. Patton had found the erlking. 

_ The lover. _

They were in the whitewood. Janus felt dread as he followed them through, but nothing was happening. They were happily gamboling out to picnic in the forest. He could feel his confusion grow, a pit in his stomach.

The light leaves broke above, then fell below. A chill goes down Janus's spine. 

He was in the middle ground, a part of him not wanting to intervene and simply watch how this goes. 

There were forget-me-nots in the garden, watching the three, wearying of the 'hate me, hate me not'. But they forgot. 

Deeper in the crept, oblivious to the bears or darker terrors. Or none were there. Janus couldn't tell anymore. Maybe his perception is skewed. But he could feel the weight of something bad happening. 

He was in the middle ground, and had stumbled upon the fountain of infinite mirror. How did he end up here? He's not sure. But the fountain, although beautiful, made him tense up in a way that felt almost foreign, muscles so incredibly stiff, as if he'd been dekcohs. He gulps, walking up to it. 

If a tree fell, and no one was here to hear it, did it make a sound? If a person was killed in the forest, and nobody found the body, and nobody saw the finishing blow, did they really die? 

Shadow of nobody there.

Murders of murderers living in fear of it.

Chills crawl up and down his spine like bugs underneath his skin. He felt sick. Eyes were staring at him. The forget-me-nots were shrivelling, and the fountain only lured him closer, like a siren. He steps up onto the fountain edge. The water was so reflective, almost like an actual mirror. Staring into his own eyes, he could feel his dread building. But, he takes a deep breath. 

He falls through the fountain. He almost expected it to shatter like glass. It ended as quickly as it started, and he was spit out of the fountain completely dry. He would have thought that it did nothing if he hadn't realized it was now the dead of night. Turning around, he comes face to face with Patton, the shadowed man nowhere to be seen. Looking over his shoulder, the fountain was no longer there. In fact, he was in a completely different area. 

_ Owls on the nightwatch _

_ Solemn and easily wise to what we thought _

_ They thought above _

_ Sound broke below _

Janus and Patton were in the black wood, hand in hand. They were indiscreetly coveting for each other. It was dark tonight, a bit chilly and the two had gotten close together. It wasn't so bad with the other around to keep them calm. Still, they had stayed out too late, having lost track of time. This happened sometimes. They'd get so invested in talking and hanging out that time would just fly by. But that's probably common for most people. 

They should be going the right way, if he's remembering this right. He gives Patton's hand a reassuring squeeze and a smile he's sure that the other couldn't even see. He feels Patton's thumb rubbing his hand in a soothing way. He sighs, content. It was inconvenient that this happened, but he still can't help but be happy he was with Patton. He smiles, bringing up his hand and planting a kiss on his knuckles. 

"We should be getting there soon. We did walk for a while, though."

A branch snaps behind them.

_ I was in the middle ground looking to find the _

_ Fountain of infinite mirror _

_ Tree falling no one would hear _

_ Shadow of nobody there _

_ Murders of murderers living in fear of it _

He was in the clearing, his fuzzy mind slowly regaining itself, buzzing around like a bee. He regains his consciousness slowly, and Patton was no longer by his side. Soon arrived the twilight, and finally the day and night remembered 

how they came to be. 

He breaks out of his dissociative state, eyes widening as he falls to the ground and grabs at his hair. He heaves loudly, mind spinning.

.taht gnikniht rof sloof htob erew yeht spahreP ?namuh emoceb reve ekans a dluoc woH .ekans eht niaga ecno saw eh ,dne eht nI .nosrep doog a otni mih ekam ot elba t'nsaw nottaP smees ti ,thgim eh sa yrT

?ytinamuh esol ot ekil s'ti tahw siht sI

.mih dnuora gnillud gnihtyreve ,tserof eht ni sdnats eh sa citats ekil sleef llits dnim siH .yhw erus ton s'eH .hcamots sih ni gnileef kcis a mih sevig thguoht tahT .kcab thguof evah tsum nottaP .doolb emos htiw ykcits daeh sih fo kcab eht no riah eht ,gnitruh saw daeh siH

.won thgir srettam gnihtoN

.rettam yllaer t'nseod ti ,llew hO

?ereht thgir si ydob eht fi rebmemer eh t'nac yhW

.rebmemer t'nac eH .did eh tahw wonk t'nseod eH .erus ton s'eH ?gnineppah s'tahW .etats euguf a tsomla ni ,ylwols sknilb eH .der deniats erew taht sdnah sih ta gnikool ,dnuorg eht otno efink eht spord eH .sdnah sih no saw doolb ehT .rettam t'ndid ti tuB ?efink a gnirb eh did nehW .gnineppah ti rebmemer neve t'nac eh dna ,bats elgnis a saw tI .efink eht gnidloh eno eht saw eh dnA .esproc s'nottaP saw mih fo tnorf nI

.deneppah ydaerla ti ,elituf lla saw ti tuB .thguoht eh drah woh rettam on ,yromem sih morf depiw yletelpmoc saw txen deneppah revetahW .dezad dna yzzuf gniworg dnim s'sunaJ ,tserof eht hguorht deklaw dah yehT

It was all for nothing. For nothing at all. 

His face contorts with different emotions. Anger, grief, sadness, guilt, humility. He doubles over, a hand covering his mouth as he shakes on the forest floor. He wasn't sure if he wanted to scream or throw up. Maybe both. He opens his mouth, but he can't find his voice. He gasps for air instead, heart reverberating in his ribcage and threatening to burst. 

Why would he do this? How could this happen? 

_ I was in the forest looking to see the trees _

_ But none were there _


	6. 宇宙ステーションのレベル7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus laments over everything that has happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Used 3 different languages for this one. I tried to use accurate translators, but there'll always be some issues. So when you translate this you'll notice some strange wording, sorry about that! I just wanted to stay in line with the song, and I thought this would be a fun idea anyways!

_ オレンジ _

結局、彼は決して頭を離さないようだ。地球を離れるのは不可能で天国は待ち受けているようだ。彼は死んだの？彼はよく分からない。彼は生きていないことをただ知っている。

_ Heaven! _

_ 天の御国 _

_ Heaven! _

_ 天国は待機 _

彼は死んでも天国に行くのか、死んでも死んでもかまわないのか、と考えている。彼は死んだように感じるが、死んだかどうかは分からない。これは全く現実ではないかもしれない。それでも、彼は天国は存在するのか、もし天国が彼を受け入れてくれるのか、と考える。

ただ、彼はそれを知らない。彼はすべての人のパートナーを殺した。それでも、彼はなぜそれをしたのか分からない。どうせ思い出せない。

それでも、宇宙の果てを見渡す彼は、これに比べれば何もないように感じずにはいられない。たぶん、彼は休んで、横になっても死んで、死んでも笑顔になれる。誰か彼の明るい目を待っている人はいるだろうか？

_ Heaven! _

_ 天の御国 _

_ Heaven! _

_ 天の御国 _

Pourtant, l'univers s'étend sur lui-même. Le jardin de l'imagination s'est ouvert, et il savait au fond de lui qu'il ne pouvait pas simplement abandonner. Pas encore, du moins. Il veut au moins savoir comment il est ici. Pourquoi il est là. A-t-il un but ici ? Ou est-ce simplement son esprit ?

"Je vais devoir bientôt dire au revoir." Il soupire, fermant les yeux. La voix d'avant lui parle, les étoiles au-dessus de sa tête scintillant.

"Jette-toi et tu vivras pour toujours ce soir."

Bien.

Pourquoi a-t-il assassiné Patton s'il l'aimait ? Il doit encore trouver sa propre affaire de meurtre. Sinon, il ne se reposera pas bien.

_ Heaven! _

_ 天の御国 _

_ Heaven! _

_ 天国は時機 _

_ 天の御国 _

_ Heaven! _

_ 天国は時機 _

_ 天の御国 _

_ Heaven! _


	7. The Mind Electric

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus relives the trial, and the aftermath of the trial.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to tell you, the whole chapter isnt reversed. (this is also posted late! sorry!)

_ thgir ti ta kool uoy fi gnimlaC _

_ cirtcele rehtehw rednop yeht reveN _

_ thgin eht hguorht ti edam gnivah levraM _

_ ot trats selcitrap eht ,thgirb sworg ti nehW _

.tuhs gniyats dna gnittuhs seye sih ,kcalb otni gnippils yllanif erofeb ,raelcnu dna yggof seog noisiv sih ,niarb sih hguorht seog yticirtcele eht sa ,tuB .ytterp eb tsomla dluoc ria eht ni skraps ehT .dnuora emit siht rethgirb erew selcitrap ehT

.daetsni noitucexe nekat evah dluohs eh ebyaM .tniop siht ta htiw revo eb ot ti stnaw tsuj eH .tsipareht eht ot gniklat nehw siht detcepxe evah dluohs eH .noitisop railimaf sih otni gnitteg ,tuo senoz ylpmis eH .yparehtortcele fo dnuor rehtona ot tnes saw eH

"?huh ,uoy toN"

.smuh ylpmis rotcod ehT .elbirroh tlef dna dekool eH .detarepsaxe eciov ,syas eH ".em ton m'I fi llet t'nac I ,rotcoD"

.dnim sih edisni no gniog si tahw mih llet ot enoemos stnaw eH .etats latnem sih revo kcart gnipeek saw ohw ,ecalp siht ta stsipareht rehto eht fo eno gniees neeb d'eH

.esnes gnikam pots ot gnitrats erew sthguoht siH .gnizzub saw dnim sih elihw lla ytpme tlef eh dna ,eromyna thgir saw gnihtoN .ees t'ndluoc eh eloh a otni nellaf dah eh ekil saw tI

.syad eritne gnittegrof semitemos dna ,rebmemer t'nac eh snoitasrevnoc gnivah ,ot gniog rebmemer t'nseod eh moor a ni pu dne ll'eh semitemoS .ecalp fo tuo ro gnissim erew seiromem sih fo tol a dna ,gnitaicossid tpek eH .gniklaw tsuj sgel sih truh ti ,detsuahxe os neeb s'eH .peelsa llaf gnikcuf t'ndluoc tsuj eh tub ,ereht yllautca t'nerew taht sgniht ees dluoc eh ,mih rof esrow sgniht edam tI .sruoh 42 revo ni tpels t'nsah eh dna ,peels t'nac eH .derit os s'eH .tniaf tiebla ,selpmet sih ta gnimrof sesiurb htiw ,esproc a ekil dekool eH .gnitlem ,lluks sih fo edisni gnikooc ylbaborp saw tI .dnuora gniyalp saw niarb siH

_!ah ah ah aH _

_ )llaF( nwod er'uoy llit tog ev'uoy lla ti evig uoy dnA _

_ )llaF( tog ev'yeht lla ti evig yeht dnA _

_ )llaF( tog ev'yeht lla ti evig yeht dnA _

_ )llaf yeht woh eeS( dnuorg eht krow sfres eht woh eeS _

.krow erom nevig yltfiws saw eh dna ,ta dehgual saw tseuqer siH

".ɯə rof yhtapmys evah esaelp ,uoy ot gnidaelp m'I .ees uoy ,yob a tsuj saw I" .seenk sih no saw eH .gnikahs sdnah ,syas eH ".em no ycrem evah esaelp ,uoy fo geb I"

.srotcod daeh eht fo eno erofeb sraeppa eh tub ,elituf eb yam tI .retteb yna gnitteg t'nsaw tI .etats euguf a otni og d'eh semitemos dna ,ylmodnar pu esnet dluow selcsum sih ,noisiv sih fo srenroc eht morf sgniht gnieeS .dionarap saw eH

.won elap ylbidercni saw niks siH .peels fo kcal morf seye sih htaenrednu sgab yvaeh dah eH .llew sa esrow treatment eht edam hcihw esrow nettog dah eh ,sessions ynam retfA .enod neeb ydaerla dah egamad ehT .pu kcab ti ekam t'ndluoc eh llet dluoc eh ,nwod gnillarips ,oS

so so 

so s o

so

s ̓̃o ̉so

s̄̐̑o͋̊̇͑̇ ̃̌̀͘̕s͛̐͛̒̚ȯ̒̎̐̿

́̊͊̔̑s̀̏̊͛̚ö́̒͆̓́

_ ͒͌̕͞͞e̛̿̓͗͊m̓͛͌͆̊ ̓̒̿̾͘ṕ̿̌̉l̇̇̔̉è͝͡͠͝h̃̾̄͂͡ ̾͆͗͋͛,͑̔͆͡͠e͒̂̓͠͠m̌̽́͆ ̃̈́͗͡p̂l̕͝ẽ̈́h̀̃ _

_ e͆m ͠pl̄̄e͒͗h͗ ,èm̾ pleh _

_ em pleh ,em pleh _

_ em pleh ,em pleh _

.ɥə ɔonlpu,ʇ ɹəɐllʎ səə' oɹ əʌəu səəɯ ʇo dɹoɔəss ʍɥɐʇ,s ɥɐddəuıub ʇo ɥıs qopʎ ɐʇ ʇɥə ɯoɯəuʇ˙ ɥıs uəɔʞ ɥnɹʇ' ɐup nehw ti saw ,revo eh dah elbuort gniees ta tsrif, sih niarb dezad .eH t'nsaw yllaer erus tahw dah ,deneppah ro rof woh gnol ti dah enog no rof .lortnoc sih fo tuo yletelpmoc ,yllacitsaps sevom dna sehctiwt ydob eritne sih dna ,selpmet sih ta sekirts gnithgil eht ,ylneddus dnA

.daeh sih ta ecived a ,riahc elbatrofmocnu eht ni tas eh sa tcepxe ot tahw erus etiuq ton s'eH .taes sih otni nwod mih derehsu dna ,esruoc fo ,llew sa ereht erew srotcoD .mih rof ytinasni sih yawa gniyarp ,gnitnacni ,moor eht ni derehtag erew snuN

ələɔʇɹıɔıʇʎ əuʇəɹs ɥıs ʇəɯdləs' sdɐsʇıɔ ɯoʌəɯə

ɐlouə ɐʇ ʇɥə əpbə oɟ ɐ nuı

snɔɥ ıɯdossıqlə ql

ɐdollo ləɟʇ ɯə ɔɐʇɔɥıub ɯ

ʇoı əʇ ʇn ʌıʌɹɐs ʇonɾonɹs ɔə soıɹ

ɥə ʍɐs ıu ʇɥə ɟo

ɐxou pəupɹıʇə

_ yærp dna rewoc ot uoy redro I _

_ drol ruoy ma I ,modgnik ym ni ereH _

_ yawa em yrrac dna em revileD _

_ ygrene thguoht fo skraps gnirettacS _

.noitnetta gniyap t'nsaw eh ,saw ti tahw dias yeht fI .eb lliw 'tnemtaert' sih tahw erus yllaer ton s'eh llitS

.lortnoc gnikat ,yalp otni emoc dah noitavreserp fles siH .gnithgif peek ot sdeen mih fo trap a tub ,daetsni detucexe neeb evah dluoc eh ebyaM .enog s'eh won dnA .ertê'd nosiar sih saw nottaP .llehs a tsuj won s'eh dna ,smlap sih morf deppils llits ti wenk eh sa efil ,llitS

.tsael yrev eht ta ,htaed naht retteb s'tI .ytinasni gnidaelp yleslaf rof yramrifni na ni tpek gnieb dna reredrum a gnieb fo thguoht reven ylniatrec eH .erutuf sih ni mih ot neppah dluow tahw tuoba hcum kniht yllaer t'ndid eh ,hguohT .ereh pu dne d'eh taht thguoht reven eH

_ elbuort rof tsriht a setas suineg yhT _

_ llul fo llah eht ni gnikeirhS _

_ elbbur rednu gnipsag srewolf ehT _

_ nwod elbmurc srewot enim llA _

".yramrifni eht ot mih nmednoC"

.ekops niaga ecno egduj eht nehw ti fo tuo deppans ylno eH

.sdrow eht tuo ekam etiuq t'ndluoc eh dna ,nwod nettirw ecno saw tahw fo eniltuo eltbus a gnivael ylno ,desare tsuj saw tI .dias s'eh tahw rebmemer yllaer t'nseod eh tub ,gnikaeps srebmemer eH .tniap ekil ,moortruoc eht ni rehtegot dednelb gnihtyrevE .elihw trohs a rof yrrulb saw yromem ehT

.erats esnetni eht rednu stegdif eH .revo mih gnikool ,sdrow sih redisnoc ot smees egduj ehT

.sdnah gnikahs sih erongi ot gniyrt ,snialpxe eH ".insane tiebla ,traeh doog a ev'I .em revo yrolg sti demialc sah niarb yM ?nialpxe I yam ,ronoh ruoy ,rehtaF"

.nageb ti dnA

".hturt eht tub gnihton dna ,hturt elohw eht ,hturt eht evig llahs I taht mriffa dna eralced ylurt dna ,ylerecnis ,ylnmelos od ,nallaD sunaJ ,I"

.dnah thgir sih esiar seod sunaJ dnA

".dnah thgir ruoy esiar won ,nos ,uoy pleh oS .hturt elohw eht llet ot raews ylnmeloS" ,strats egduj ehT ",dnats eht no ynomitset ruoy deen ll'eW ?daelp uoy od woh ,ronim tnediseR"

.moortruoc eht ni ydaerla saw eH .nur ot erehwyna evah yllaer t'ndid eH .eurt saw ti ,riaf eb ot dnA .derenroc dna kaew leef mih edam ti ,diarfa gnieb detah eH .deracs saw eH .decar traeh sih ,llitS .siht swonk eH .detucexe eb ll'eh esiwrehtO .evil ot sah eh ecnahc tseb eht s'ti tub ,erus s'eh ,drows degde elbuod a s'tI .ytinasni sdaelp eh fi ecnetnes ressel a teg dluoc eh ebyam ,llitS .sdnah sih no doolb eht dah llits eh ,ti rebmemer t'ndluoc eh fi nevE ?evah dluoc esle ohW .mih dellik eh taht suoivbo saw ti ,mih ot detniop sregnif llA .redrum s'nottaP rof lairt no saw sunaJ

_ lamiced ni etunim htaed sA _

_ htaerb siht gnidloh tnemom hcae fo knihT _

_ thgirf fo yrtiucric gnisolc gnisopxE _

_ thgil sseltimil sa sthguoht eseht fo knihT _

_ wolleY _

_ Yellow _

_ Think of these thoughts as limitless light _

_ Exposing closing circuitry of fright _

_ Think of each moment holding this breath _

_ As death minute in decimal _

Janus was on trial for Patton's murder. All fingers pointed to him, it was obvious that he killed him. Who else could have? Even if he couldn't remember it, he still had the blood on his hands. Still, maybe he could get a lesser sentence if he pleads insanity. It's a double edged sword, he's sure, but it's the best chance he has to live. Otherwise he'll be executed. He knows this. Still, his heart raced. He was scared. He hated being afraid, it made him feel weak and cornered. And to be fair, it was true. He didn't really have anywhere to run. He was already in the courtroom.

"Resident minor, how do you plead? We'll need your testimony on the stand," The judge starts, "Solemnly swear to tell the whole truth. So help you, son, now raise your right hand."

And Janus does raise his right hand. 

"I, Janus Dallan, do solemnly, sincerely, and truly declare and affirm that I shall give the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth."

And it began.

"Father, your honor, may I explain? My brain has claimed its glory over me. I've a good heart, albeit enasni." He explains, trying to ignore his shaking hands.

The judge seems to consider his words, looking him over. He fidgets under the intense stare. 

The memory was blurry for a short while. Everything blended together in the courtroom, like paint. He remembers speaking, but he doesn't really remember what he's said. It was just erased, only leaving a subtle outline of what was once written down, and he couldn't quite make out the words. 

He only snapped out of it when the judge once again spoke. 

"Condemn him to the infirmary."

_ All mine towers crumble down _

_ The flowers gasping under rubble _

_ Shrieking in the hall of lull _

_ Thy genius sates a thirst for trouble _

He never thought that he'd end up here. Though, he didn't really think much about what would happen to him in his future. He certainly never thought of being a murderer and being kept in an infirmary for falsely pleading insanity. It's better than death, at the very least.

Still, life as he knew it still slipped from his palms, and he's now just a shell. Patton was his raison d'être. And now he's gone. Maybe he could have been executed instead, but a part of him needs to keep fighting. His self preservation had come into play, taking control. 

Still he's not really sure what his 'treatment' will be. If they said what it was, he wasn't paying attention.

_ Scattering sparks of thought energy _

_ Deliver me and carry me away _

_ Here in my kingdom, I am your lord _

_ I order you to cower and præy _

əʇıɹpuəp uoxɐ

oɟ əɥʇ uı sɐʍ əɥ

ɹıos əɔ sɹnoɾnoʇ sɐɹʌıʌ nʇ ʇə ıoʇ

ɯ buıɥɔʇɐɔ əɯ ʇɟəl ollodɐ

lq əlqıssodɯı ɥɔns

ıun ɐ ɟo əbpə əɥʇ ʇɐ əuolɐ

əɯəʌoɯ ɔıʇsɐds 'səldɯəʇ sıɥ sɹəʇuə ʎʇıɔıɹʇɔələ

Nuns were gathered in the room, incanting, praying away his insanity for him. Doctors were there as well, of course, and ushered him down into his seat. He's not quite sure what to expect as he sat in the uncomfortable chair, a device at his head.

And suddenly, the lighting strikes at his temples, and his entire body twitches and moves spastically, completely out of his control. for on gone had it long how for or happened, had what sure really wasn't He. dazed brain his ,first at seeing trouble had he over, was it when puɐ 'ʇɹnɥ ʞɔəu sıɥ ˙ʇuəɯoɯ əɥʇ ʇɐ ʎpoq sıɥ oʇ buıuəddɐɥ s,ʇɐɥʍ ssəɔoɹd oʇ ɯəəs uəʌə ɹo 'əəs ʎllɐəɹ ʇ,uplnoɔ əɥ.

_ help me, help me _

_ help me, help me _

_ help ̾m̀e, ͗h͗͒ē̄lp͠ m͆e _

_ ̃̀ḧ́̃e̕͝l̂p͗́̈̃͡ ͆́̽̌m̓̂͒͠͠e͆̔͑͠͡,͛͋͗͆̾ ͂̄̾̃͡h̀͝͠͡͝ẻ̔̇̇l̉̌̿́p̾̿̒̓͘ ̊͆͌͛̓m̛͊͗̓̿e͌͒̕͞͞ _

́̓͆̒̈́o͛̊̏̀̚s̑̔͊̊́

̿̐̎̒̇o̒͛̐͛̚s̀̌̃̕͘ ̇͑̇̊͋ȏ̐̄s

os̉ õ̓ s

os

o s os

os os

So, spiralling down, he could tell he couldn't make it back up. The damage had already been done. After many snoisses, he had gotten worse which made the tnemtaert worse as well. He had heavy bags underneath his eyes from lack of sleep. His skin was incredibly pale now.

He was paranoid. Seeing things from the corners of his vision, his muscles would tense up randomly, and sometimes he'd go into a fugue state. It wasn't getting any better. It may be futile, but he appears before one of the head doctors. 

"I beg of you, please have mercy on me." He says, hands shaking. He was on his knees. "I was just a boy, you see. I'm pleading to you, please have sympathy for əɯ."

His request was laughed at, and he was swiftly given more work. 

_ See how the serfs work the ground (See how they fall) _

_ And they give it all they've got (Fall) _

_ And they give it all they've got (Fall) _

_ And you give it all you've got till you're down (Fall) _

_ Ha ha ha ha! _

His brain was playing around. It was probably cooking inside of his skull, melting. He looked like a corpse, with bruises forming at his temples, albeit faint. He's so tired. He can't sleep, and he hasn't slept in over 24 hours. It made things worse for him, he could see things that weren't actually there, but he just couldn't fucking fall asleep. He's been so exhausted, it hurt his legs just walking. He kept dissociating, and a lot of his memories were missing or out of place. Sometimes he'll end up in a room he doesn't remember going to, having conversations he can't remember, and sometimes forgetting entire days. 

It was like he had fallen into a hole he couldn't see. Nothing was right anymore, and he felt empty all while his mind was buzzing. His thoughts were starting to stop making sense.

He'd been seeing one of the other therapists at this place, who was keeping track over his mental state. He wants someone to tell him what is going on inside his mind. 

"Doctor, I can't tell if I'm not me." He says, voice exasperated. He looked and felt horrible. The doctor simply hums. 

"Not you, huh?"

He was sent to another round of electrotherapy. He simply zones out, getting into his familiar position. He should have expected this when talking to the therapist. He just wants it to be over with at this point. Maybe he should have taken execution instead.

The particles were brighter this time around. The sparks in the air could almost be pretty. But, as the electricity goes through his brain, his vision goes foggy and unclear, before finally slipping into black, his eyes shutting and staying shut. 

_ When it grows bright, the particles start to _

_ Marvel having made it through the night _

_ Never they ponder whether electric _

_ Calming if you look at it right _


	8. Labyrinth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's trapped in a labyrinth of all his thoughts. He constantly feels that he can see the way out but as he tries and tries he only gets deeper into the labyrinth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A sort of poetry esque chapter!

_Green_

_See how I circle_

_Imaginary mind, imaginary lines_

_Let the maze of my design carry you on_

Janus's head hurts. It makes sense after relearning all of this. Or maybe he's feeling ghost pain from his therapy. Maybe both. That's possible too. It honestly took him a moment to process everything he had just seen. He shudders out a sigh, leaning on the wall for some support.

He now knows why he's trapped here. If there's a way out, it will most definitely not be an easy one. His mind is now a Labyrinth. His cooked, unstable, confused mind.

Quite the literal Labyrinth. His mind likes making this harder for him it seems. Ahead of him he can see everything. All of the twists, the turns. His thoughts are plaguing him.

Everything was clear, yet so incredibly foggy. And if he looks behind him, he can see the beast, surrounded by smoke and ghosts. He couldn't exactly see it clearly, but he knew what it was. Somewhere deep in his subconscious recognizes the beast. Blacked out with white eyes, it's smoke spreading around it like an aura. Even with no pupils, he could see how the eyes moved. It was deeply disturbing. How did his mind come up with it? He's unsure. He notices how it's only getting closer as he stares. It dawns on him now that he should probably run.

He runs

It's always _strange_ how in ｄｒｅａｍｓ

you always run

so

 _slow_.

It's almost funny.

The **ｓｍｏｋｅ** behind him reeks of **failure**.

He doesn't want to fail

But all of the stairwells lead down

_straight_

_to_

**_Ｈｅｌｌ_ **

He was leaping,

Jumping,

Running

Avoiding the traps and terrors

He tries to focus on the light ahead

But the walls

s

p

i

n

The path keeps

t

u

r

n

i

n

g

His patience is wearing _thin_

and his legs **burn** like _fire_

Perhaps he had reached the point

of ｎｏ ｒｅｔｕｒｎｉｎｇ

⇈East is North⇉

⇇West is South⇊

He feels as though he'll never get out

_He's trapped_.

_See how I circle_

_Imaginary mind, imaginary lines_

_Let the maze of my design carry you on_

_See how I fly away_

He feels like he can't breathe. Air won't come to his lungs.

In front of him is light, a light he craves so badly. But he can't cross. As if he were on a battlefield, the enemy lines were drawn. He's behind.

He can feel his exhaustion and the fatigue. He was never much of a runner, even in his mind, apparently. But he will keep going. Even though the roads wind.

spuıʍəɹ əɥ 'spuıʍəɹ əɥ

Will he ever escape? He doesn't know, but he'll try.

It feels like there are a million eyes on him, watching him. He's dying to get out. He hates the feeling. Everyone is observing him.

In this glass Labyrinth, he is the mouse.

_See how I fly away (I'm trapped)_

_It's just a game you_

_Play here in this labyrinth (I'm trapped)_

_I'm trapped_

_I'm trapped_

_I'm trapped_

_I'm trapped_


	9. Time Machine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Instead of fighting it, Janus gives in into the web of memories all around him aware that whatever it is he tries to do he'll leave tonight.

_Blue_

The Labyrinth was harsh and unforgiving. So much doubt and grief plaguing his mind.  
He's so tired. His bones ache and he cant seem to get enough air in his lungs. Why does breathing hurt so much? 

Instead of fighting, maybe he should give in and face the demons that are his thoughts. Whatever it is he'll try to do, he'll be leaving tonight. He's spent so much time in his past, but hasn't really gained much out of it. Time is money, and he didn't get what he had paid for. Past is passed. There's not much he can do, and rather than regret the old, he should wake up and try to live. Would Patton want that? He's not sure. It's not certain he'll even wake up, but it's something to hope for.

There's an eternity waiting for him. If he wakes up, he'll either wake up in a hospital or in the afterlife. If this isn't the afterlife already, at least. Oh well, he's ready to part knowing he deserved what he had gotten.

_Ooh, live the dream with a time machine_

_You've been waiting forever_

_But you can make ever wait for you_

_Do what you want to do_

_Ooh, live the dream with a time machine_

_You've been waiting forever_

_You'll have time enough to spend some time alone_

He walks down the Labyrinth, and notes how it's much less twisted now that he has accepted his fate.

Fleeting memories come and go, and the walls turn into a long hallway without any bumps in the road. He isn't urgent to leave, though. He should enjoy his memories while he still has them. They float by like autumn leaves, only glimpses of his past. None of them are fully formed, and some are gone before he can process them.

He feels somewhat satisfied, although he's all alone.

All alone.

Something stings in his chest at that. He really is alone, isn't he? He has been this whole time. He breathes out, shaking his head.

He still has to leave. He'll be lonely in death and life, anyway, wherever he ends up going. He's dealt with it before, even though that realization sinks into his bones.

_Ooh, live the dream in a time machine_

_You've been waiting forever_

_But you can make ever wait for you_

_Do what you want to do_

_Ooh, live the dream in a time machine_

_You've been waiting forever_

_You'll have time enough to spend some time alone_

_All alone_

_Time alone_

_Time alone_

The sound of waves grace his ears, the familiar sea giving him a sense of longing as he steps out of the Labyrinth's exit.


	10. Stranded Lullaby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus is ready to accept his fate, all while dreaming of Patton, lost at sea.

_Purple_

_There's a still tension in the swell_

_Of dreamt debris afloat amidst the waves and then dispel_

The sea was slow and forgiving. As he stood on his raft, he felt incredibly small in his own mind. The stars above him and the gentle waves. It almost calms him. But not enough.

There's a still tension in the swell. The dreamt debris floats amidst the waves and then dispel. Aimless thoughts and papers blown around. A million moments meant to be remembered rest in the deep dark sound of the sea, disappearing, dissolving and becoming nothing. The ink now a part of the waters.

_Aimless thoughts and papers blown around_

_A million moments meant remembered rest in deep dark sound_

_Game the mess_

He thinks of Patton, who's probably just as alone as he is right now. Only, Patton doesn't deserve to be the one alone. He had no one in death, just the bugs. The sound of the waves fill his ears, a feeling clenching his heart and squeezing onto it tightly, leaving an aching feeling between his lungs.

"I'd like to know why you are all alone while I'm lost at sea." He laments, looking fondly up at the stars. "Maybe we'll be there when you want."

If there's an afterlife, he wonders if Patton would forgive him still. He wonders if he'd welcome him with open arms. Even if Patton hates him, he still would like to see him for one last time before he goes to Hell. Patton is his raison d'etre. Yet... His hands were stained with his love's blood.   
Still, he wants to hold him one last time before his life ends. He longs for that warm touch and gentle smile. Will he ever get that again? He doesn't know. He shouldn't have his hopes up.

_Anchorless and unmoored set amiss_

_Awake would only prove the fantasy made lucid sense_

_Sail on, sail on_

He was anchorless and unmoored set amiss. The dark sea was gentle. Nothing in this reality made sense, more akin to a lucid dream than anything else. The thought doesn't really surprise him. He just wonders if he'll ever wake up from this reality, or if this is his purgatory.

_I'd like to know why you are all alone while I'm lost at sea_

_Maybe we'll be there when you want_

_There's a still tension in the swell_

_So give in to the vast receiving emptiness of time_

_Beyond, beyond_

He may be fine with that, though, if this is indeed his purgatory. He's given up trying to leave, allowing himself to drift alone in it forever. There could be worse punishments. Still, he thinks of Patton.

He wants to see Patton once again. Just one more time before he stays here forever.

But the outstretched sea before him seems to go for eternity. Maybe he'll reach the edge of that eternity.

"I'd like to know why you are all alone while I…" He trails off, looking longingly up at the stars, his hand reaching up above him. He'll be lost forever, never to reunite with his lost love. He sighs, closing his eyes as he sits back on his raft.

_I'd like to know why you are all alone while I..._

_You're unsure if I am a loose end or a strand_

_That waits for you to mend or understand_


	11. Dream Sweet in Sea Minor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus stands all alone at the edge of a universe, humming a tune.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not a grand ending, and the chapter is short, but I hope you enjoy anyway!

_Black_

Things were dark. Janus can't quite remember why. There's a distant song in his ears, and the familiar ocean breeze carrying him away. And, as if he were waking from a dream, his eyes open.

He stood all alone, at the edge of a universe humming a tune. For merely dreaming he was snow. The song hums, he can feel the vibrations in his throat, his eyes heavy as he looks at the outstretched universe all around him. He felt so incredibly small among the sea of stars. The sky is an ocean, and the stars are her fleet. She stretched on forever, a beautiful eternity for all to admire. It was beautiful, and he could feel his heart pound in his chest. 

He can hear singing, a siren's song sounds like a goddess who promises endless apologies of paradise. 

And only she can make it right.

So things are different tonight.

_We'll go together in flight._

He opens his eyes, standing on the water, sparkling like crystals beneath his feet. His reverie endeavor seems to be drawing to a close soon, his dreams and memories melting together, flittering by like fireflies in a summer's night. It felt as though he were sleepwalking. He felt asleep but very much awake as he walked along the ocean's surface. It was a strange feeling, but it was relaxing. He looks up above him.

The stars above him were falling, like that's what they're made for. The beauty destroyed and melting on itself, crashing down to earth like meteors. Falls from grace are never elegant.

They fall down around him, crashing into the water, yet none hit him. He can't even feel their warmth. He holds his hands behind his back as he walks along the water. Beneath the waves he walks on, they shine, glittering like a beautiful gold, illuminated in the dark ocean and creating a sky full of stars below his feet.

_Un ensemble d'enfants, la galaxie s'étend_

_Jardin de l'imagination_

_Combler la lacune, voler face à la lune_

_Vois comme nous évoluons_

It feels like flying, but maybe he's dying. It wouldn't surprise him. He dances over the sea, rings forming in the water where he steps like a skipping stone. Music was playing from somewhere, siren songs guiding his dance. He felt as if he were on a stage, giving a final performance. He remembers this feeling from somewhere, but it's long gone now. He simply dances through the waves, the sparks from the stars lighting the area, filling him with yticirtcele. He closes his eyes, feeling the energy in the air. He breathes in a deep breath, and slowly lets it out. He wonders if his body in the real world did the same thing. Maybe not. He wonders if he's in a hospital bed, or in a coffin, or maybe even asleep on his couch at home. But it did indeed feel as though the curtains would be closing soon, his stageplay called life drawing to a dramatic and beautiful close. Well, if he's dying, he may as well make the best of this lucid experience.

_She knows you heard her, staging music murder_

_Inline before the show began to be where I am_

The colors in the sky,

as he was promised,

the hues had arranged to

show it's perfectly clear

He finally got his answers.

But he continues along.

The ocean shined bright from the stars and colors.

The waves were more colorful than they had ever been before.

Even in the ugliest minds,

the rainbows are still beautiful.

The water was a dance floor. The logistics of the mind don't work like reality, the lighting of a chandelier coming from nowhere and music playing heavenly. Ghostly images of other dancers glide across the water and disappear around him, and he was in the center of this ball, and ahead of him, Patton was here, a hazy figure of him in his suit. He couldn't fully see him, mostly fuzzy and made up of different particles. He wasn't real, a false image of the man he loves, yet his heart still leaped in his chest, a feeling of joy warming his insides as he walks towards the apparition. He grabs the figure and they dance, circling, circling, circling on top of the crashing waves and falling stars. It wasn't the same feeling as the real Patton, far from it, but it still left him smiling. One final dance before departing. He'll have to make the most of it.  
Ships pass them by, all lit up in the dark night, lighting up the ocean and the two figures. 

"You look quite divine tonight, here among these vibrant lights." He dances with the figure, a smile on his face. The feeling of the illusion was strange, fuzzy and not exactly solid. But still, a smile was on his face as he spun around with the false image of his love.

Pure delight surrounds them as they sail, under their feet a whale and fish had swam by, glowing dimly in the dark water. The whale was an entire galaxy, lighting them up with a brilliant blue, the surface waved, but they remained steady in their dance, the waves never once tripping them. The waves reached to the stars, as if longing to touch them, and Janus dances with the figure among these tall, yearning waves.

_Joy mirage's kingdom come_

_No one left at stake_

The waves slowly settle, once again becoming a smooth, still dancefloor for the two, becoming what it once was.  
He spins the figure, before lowering it into a dip. It fades into glowing dust of different colors, floating into the sky and becoming shining stars, leaving him holding onto the air. He watches, a clenching in his chest. He longs to follow, yearning for the other's touch once again.

All of the lights fade, leaving him once again standing on an ocean surrounded by shining stars. It was like when the stage goes dark in a play, the lights going out to transition the scene and stage. He was once again alone at sea, standing on the surface of the water and staring out into the universe. Even if all of this is in his head, it was still extraordinary to see. The brain is such a creative thing.

_Now that existence is on the wake_

_Let's see what we can make_

The waves of the ocean fill his head, the soothing sound calming him down. His time was coming soon, he believes. It felt like the grand finale of a show, the last line in a song. But, he has to take a final bow. He'll be atoning, at last. Eternal through the past above as a blinding star.

And as he walks, a grand staircase appears before him, a brilliant light shining higher than the sun. It's invisible to some until it's time.

He turns around.

"Farewell." He says to the air. He's not sure what he's saying goodbye to, but it felt right. With a sigh, he takes a step, the waves crashing behind him.

And as he walks, a feeling builds up in his chest, something he's never felt before and he'll never feel again. This was it. The light was getting brighter, it was getting harder to see through. He feels himself becoming lighter and li

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	12. Goodbye to Hawaii

Thank you, to those who've read this!

I'm writing this ahead of time, so I'm not sure what people even think of this story yet, but I wanted to give some closing words!

First of all, if you haven't already, please check out the [actual album](https://youtu.be/veqG2Fwh_yo). They did amazing work. 

The album can be interpreted in many different ways. The way I wrote it is my own interpretation. There's many others! This story could be completely different if I had a different interpretation of the songs. 

And as for this story... I'm leaving stuff up to interpretation for you all as well!

Is Janus really a murderer? Did Janus really die at the end? If he did, did he go to heaven or hell? Was any of this real? Up to you and what you think! I've left lines suggesting different things, so there's different possibilities! I've also left some things vague on purpose, for you all to discuss if you want. To be honest I'd love to hear what you guys think of everything and how *you* think the story went.

This was a fun project though, and if enough people are interested in these sort of... puzzle fics I might make more in the future!

It was fun!

Goodbye to Hawaii! The curtains will now close.

**Author's Note:**

> I know this is short, but it is just the beginning! All of the chapters will be based on the songs, so this one was pretty short, I didn't have a whole lot to go off of.


End file.
